3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
