He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
