Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
