My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
