The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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