I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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