I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
