Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
