Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
