Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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