oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
