before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
