My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
