I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
