alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
