I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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