Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
