I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
