Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
