My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
