Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
