I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
