woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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