Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
