Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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