It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
