I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
