I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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