Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
