singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
