I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
