The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
