It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
