He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
