I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
