never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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