Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
