You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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