They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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