thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and she was petting her beer can
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize