If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have aggressive nipples.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
