She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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