i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
