I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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