i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
