you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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