Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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