All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
