well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
