we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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