she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As shirtless as possible
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
