Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
