found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
