OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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