She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
