i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's like iHOP with fire
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
