my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
