I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
