I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
