Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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