I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
