Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
