Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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