Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
