i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
