Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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