I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
