nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Green mimosas i think yes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
