mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
