dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
