I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
