you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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