Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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